Hello, humans. Greyhound here.

Apparently, October is the month when you decorate the house with skeletons, ring the doorbell 47 times in one evening, dress yourselves like superheroes and then wonder why I am standing in the hallway looking deeply concerned.

So, in the interest of keeping everyone safe, calm and adequately supplied with cheese, I have prepared my official Greyhound Guide to Halloween.

TREAT: Cheese. Excellent choice. No notes.

TRICK: Putting a spider hat on me and expecting cooperation. I have spent years perfecting my elegant profile. Eight fuzzy legs and googly eyes were not part of the plan.

If your hound enjoys dressing up, keep costumes simple, lightweight and comfortable. Make sure nothing restricts movement, vision, hearing or breathing, and avoid dangling pieces that could become tangled. If your greyhound freezes like a lawn ornament, looks miserable or immediately begins plotting the costume’s destruction, a festive bandana may be the better option.

TREAT: A quiet place away from the front door. Finally, someone understands me.

Halloween can mean constant doorbells, knocking, excited children, strange voices and people wearing masks. Even normally confident dogs may find all that activity overwhelming. Consider setting up a comfortable room or quiet area away from the front door with a favorite bed, blanket, toys and some background music or television.

TRICK: Opening the front door 83 times while I stand nearby. You do remember that I can run approximately 40 miles per hour, correct?

Halloween is an especially important night to watch doors and gates. A frightened or curious greyhound can slip through an opening in seconds. Keep your hound securely inside and away from frequently opened doors. Make sure collars are properly fitted, GPS units are charged, and identification tags and microchip information are current.

And because I am a greyhound, I would also like to remind you that “I’ll catch him” is not a sound safety plan.

TREAT: My regular evening walk before the neighborhood gets spooky. I approve of scheduling.

If possible, take your hound for a walk before trick-or-treating gets into full swing. Costumes, flashing decorations, screaming children, bicycles, wagons and inflatable monsters can be startling — especially when encountered after dark.

If you do walk later in the evening, use a secure leash and collar, stay visible and give unfamiliar decorations plenty of space. That 12-foot skeleton may be perfectly harmless, but I reserve the right to disagree.

TRICK: Chocolate. Humans seem very excited about this stuff. Dogs should not be.

Keep Halloween candy well out of reach. Chocolate can be toxic to dogs, and sugar-free candy may contain xylitol, which is extremely dangerous. Candy wrappers can also cause problems if swallowed.

Therefore, I suggest you keep the chocolate for yourself and provide me with an appropriate dog treat.

Or cheese.

Have I mentioned cheese?

TREAT: Keeping glowing things away from my nose and tail.

Candles, jack-o’-lanterns, electrical cords, glow sticks and battery-operated decorations can all become hazards around curious pets. Keep open flames and electrical decorations out of reach so your hound cannot investigate them, knock them over or accidentally sweep them off a table with one impressively long tail.

Greyhound tails have been known to clear coffee tables with remarkable efficiency.

TRICK: Assuming I recognize everyone in costume.

I know Uncle Bob.

I may not know 6-foot-tall werewolf Uncle Bob.

Masks, bulky costumes, hats and unusual movements can confuse or frighten dogs. Don’t force greetings. Let your greyhound choose whether to approach, and remind visitors — especially children — to give dogs space.

TREAT: Letting me celebrate Halloween my way.

Some greyhounds will happily attend the party, wear a costume, greet trick-or-treaters and pose for 73 photographs.

Others would prefer to spend Halloween under a blanket pretending Oct. 31 does not exist.

Both are perfectly acceptable.

Pay attention to your hound’s body language and let them tell you what they are comfortable with. Halloween should be fun, not frightening.

So enjoy the costumes. Enjoy the pumpkins. Enjoy the candy.

Just keep the doors secure, the chocolate out of reach, the decorations safe and the spider hat optional.

As for me, I’ll be celebrating Halloween the traditional greyhound way:

Dinner. A quick zoomie. Three hours on the couch. And cheese.

Happy Howl-o-ween!